French kissing is a relatively new phrase to the English language and culture, arriving in the U.S. (and Britain) in the early 1900s. It earned its name because French culture was thought to be a bit more sexually adventurous and passionate. Ironically, the French’s own name for kissing with tongue — Florentine kissin use since the early 1800s — translates to “kiss like the Florentines.” (For the record, while the history of kissing with tongue specifically is a bit harder to trace than the history of romantic kissing as a whole, neither Italy or France is likely to have invented it. Our first recorded reference to sexual kissing comes from a 2400 B.C. Sumerian clay text, and a Smithsonian Magazine review of early recorded kisses dates “deep kissing” to around the same time, when Bronze Age migrations meant that Eurasian and European populations were mixing for the first time.)
Why do we French kiss?
Beyond when people started kissing with tongue, why do we do it? The mouth is full of erogenous zones, so kissing with tongue often feels different and can add a new dimension to making out. Our lips in general are packed with nerve endings and highly sensitive to our emotional state, and leaving them relaxed and open during kissing — with some gentle tongue play involved — may make a smooch-fest feel more intimate and allow for deeper kissing compared to a tightly puckered-up smooch.
That said, kissing with tongue isn’t the only way to make out — and not everyone enjoys it. Some people find it thrilling, while others may find it overwhelming, a little gross, or just not their thing. You don’t have to like French kissing to be a good kisser or to have chemistry with someone! What matters most is tuning into what feels good for you and your partner, and knowing that open-mouth kissing is just one option on the makeout menu.
If you think French kissing is a menu option you want to try, cool! We asked a bunch of lip-locking pros the question that’s probably on your mind: “How do you French kiss?” Here’s what they told us, broken down into easy steps for some stress-free, spit-swapping fun.
How to French kiss, step by step
So, you’ve got the butterflies and a willing partner, and you’re ready to get (literally) tongue tied. Now what? Here’s how to French kiss for the first time, step by step, with tips to help you feel confident, curious, and totally in the moment. Whether you’re nervous or just want to know how to French kiss properly, the experts we heard from have you covered.
1. Do some prep
All lips are good lips — let’s start there! But if you want to dress them up a bit for the occasion, there are a couple of routes you can take. Lip gloss can be tempting… and it can also make a complete mess. Same goes for lipstick. If you want to soften things up for your partner, consider a bit of lip balm. You can reapply as much as you want without worrying about all of it ending up on someone else’s face.
2. Kick it off with some flirting
Making the first move can be intimidating, but someone has to do it. If you’ve decided to take it on, make sure and take careful note of your partner’s body language. Small, flirtatious touches can go a long way, but being direct is another good option. Telling someone you want to kiss them (and making sure they’re on the same page) can be a really empowering experience. Starting off with some thoughtful conversation and good questions to ask your crush are often the best way to set the scene.
3. Set the scene
Like with any other kiss or sexual situation, you want to make sure you’re in a comfortable place. Attempting a French kiss on a crowded bus is going to be much less fun than in the park or at home. Even better if you’re somewhere you can control the music, put on some mood lighting, and light a candle or two. Keep in mind that comfort levels are different for everyone, and the spaces you feel comfortable kissing may not be the same for your partner. This is a great conversation topic that will not only help you navigate this particular situation, but get to know your partner better.
4. Enthusiasm is important
“Be passionate, and prescient, while simultaneously being able to fully enjoy the moment…it also really gives you a leg up if you love the person you’re kissing.” -Greg, 12 years of kissing experience.
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